Beware of killer camels

We have just returned from an Easter break in Victoria and Brisbane, hence the absence of dogblog updates.

While in Victoria I had another one of my extremely disturbing "Leo gets murdered" dreams.

I have had many dreams in which Leo meets his maker (hence taking him away from his mummy).

This one is a cracker ...

Ok. So here's how it played out ....

Two camels came charging up from the horizon and trampled Leo to death.

(Yes, camels.)

Then, as I am throwing myself over Leo's furry little body, weeping and cursing God, these goddam lowlife murdering camels ask me to help them transform back into humans.

(Yes, these camels could talk.)

And you know the weirdest thing about this dream?

(Yes, the weirdest is yet to come.)

These camels weren't just any camels.

These camels weren't your nasty-spitting-stinking-pay $10 for a ride at an ag show-camels.

These were celebrity camels.

The camels that trampled Leo to death were .....




TOYOTA RAV4 CAMELS!!

You're laughin' now pal ... but you won't be laughin when you incur the wrath of a momma avengin' the murderin' of her young-un.

Leo does ... well.. nothing special

Monday April 2, 2007

In an unprecedented move, Leo and Kinta have done nothing particularly remarkable for nearly a week now.

So, here are a few random photos from the fur kid family album.


Kinta: "I've told you a thousand times: no means no."
Leo: "Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Satan's sheepdog: Leo (right) at 16 weeks with Kinta

Sea dogs - at Elliott Heads, Queensland December 2006

Winter in Glen Innes, New South Wales, 2003

(they jumped straight in the water)

Leo gets the job done

Leo: "I could patrol the perimeter or I could keep the pigeons off the shed roof or I could even perhaps lie in wait under the house for a Mormon or two. But instead, I'm just gonna lie here ...

Right here in the middle of the yard where nobody will ever see me."

Kinta farewells her uterus (again)

Monday March 26, 2007

Today was pretty traumatic for Kinta.

Not only did she have to deal with another female on her turf (see story on The Moose below) but she had to say goodbye to her second uterus.

Come to think of it, she probably didn't say goodbye to her first uterus.

A strange man just patted her head until she just fell into a relaxing, drug-induced puppy sleep and when she woke up it was gone and she had stitches in her belly.

Her second uterus was our 1995 white Holden Rodeo ute.

Kinta and Leo loved that uterus. When Kinta heard the doors unlock, she knew that a uterus-propelled adventure was on the agenda.

This is the uterus that helped Kinta stalk and hurl abusive barks at trucks and vans on the many kilometres of highway between Bundaberg and Glen Innes.

Only trucks and vans, never cars.

Car stalking is for pussies.

This is the uterus that carried Kinta and Leo to the beach for long swims on weekend afternoons.

Kinta and Leo would hear the loud feral rumblings of the diesel uterus as I rounded the corner on the way home from work. They would be waiting at the gates to greet me, all big doggy grins and wagging tails.

Kinta, Leo and the Uterus in happier times










Kinta, Leo and the Uterus in not so happier times













And to answer your question, yes that is doggy diarrhoea.

Tonight when the new owners came to take possession of Kinta's second uterus, she was a bit concerned.

As the uterus drove towards the gate, Kinta dropped her toy and ran behind it, her eyes darting back and forth between it and us.

It was like she was saying "Why are they taking my ute? They aren't taking my ute are they? They are just borrowing it aren't they? Like that time Aunty Liz and Uncle Joe borrowed it to move house? Right dad? Right dad? Dad?"

We explained to Kinta that we had bought her a much newer, much faster, much more comfortable and much more bloody expensive blue uterus and she had best shut her furry mouth and show some darn appreciation.

She seemed to get over the loss of the white uterus pretty quickly.

(Of course she did Kris you crazy dog lady. Kinta's a dog ... a DOG)

But, I don't think she will ever forget the fun times she had in the white uterus.

Leo certainly won't forget the wave of Kinta's post-beach spray poo that slapped his doggy face at 100 kilometres per hour on the road between Elliott Heads and Bundaberg.

Leo tunes a moose

Monday March 26, 2007

Leo picked up this afternoon and didn't even have to buy the lucky lady a single drink.

He didn't even have to leave our street.

We were heading out on our daily walk when his eyes met a loose lassie who was strutting her stuff, working the whole street.

It was lust at first sight, with Leo particularly taken with her multiple heaving nipples.

We bought her into the yard as we didn't like the idea of her running down the street and possibly getting hit by a car.

As you can see by the photo, the car could come off second best.

This dog is a moose!

Anyway, I suspect that she prefers the ladies but Leo still tried to become her bitch.

Exhibit One: Leo attempts to stick the tongue in











After about 10 minutes in the cage, we decided to lock Leo and Kinta up on the deck so The Moose could have free reign of the backyard.

After determining that Leo wasn't going to follow through on the pick-up, we called The Moose a maxi taxi.

And by maxi taxi, I mean the local Animal Control van.

Alas, Leo shoots but Leo does not score.

On a serious note: this is at least the fourth time that I have called animal control in the past year to pick up a dog that has either followed me home or turned up in our front yard. I am so sick of it!! If the owners of these dogs would just put a tag with the dog's name and phone number on it I would ring them up to come and collect it. But since these owners don't, I feel absolutely no guilt about calling animal control to come and pick them up, thus landing the owners a hefty fine. Getting the dog off the street is a much safer option for the dog - whose welfare I care much more about than the owner's finances.

These people don't seem to care about their dog and certainly don't have any respect for the people who could be threatened by it or worse - swerve to avoid hitting it and have a car accident. Dog owners - get your shit together!

Update on the candle muncher

Friday March 23, 2007

A quick update on Leo the candle muncher ...

he was absolutely fine, with no side effects whatsoever (that we could ascertain).

As a result, we are no longer spending $15 a month on a bag of dogfood for Leo and Kinta.

Kinta can have one bag every two months and Leo can eat all the feral candles we have laying around the house.

So far he likes scented ones the best.

Donations are welcome.

(To all you animal rights people out there - I am only joking. Tempted, but only joking. Please don't take away my babies.)

Leo hits a new culinary low

Monday March 19, 2007

Leo is renowned for eating all sorts of things that he shouldn't. He eats macadamia nuts every day despite reports that these nuts cause paralysis in dogs. He's still walkin'.

Then there was the time he ate a roofing screw. How do we know he ate it? Because Paul extracted it from where it was deposited: lovingly giftwrapped amid a freshly laid dog poo.

But tonight, Leo hit a new culinary low.

Tonight, Leo ate a candle.

Some people use candles to add ambience to a dinner table.

Some dogs mistake a candle for a spring roll and feel pretty special and not at all suspicious about having - just once - entrees before mains.

Our dogs were taught at an early age that our yard is filled with "forbidden zones" and imaginary lines that are not crossed without prior human approval.

Tonight, Paul was cleaning out the garage and had the garage doors up. The candle (aka doggy spring roll) was located approximately two metres inside the garage (well within the forbidden zone).

The next time Paul looked up, Leo was on the grass (a safe zone) munching away on something.

Paul questioned Leo with a very stern "Leo, what is that?"

Leo understood that Paul was not asking if he wanted soy sauce.

Leo dropped the candle, wiggled his bum and crawled towards Paul with his chin low - waay low.
Those who own dogs will know what this action signifies.

It's the "the shit's going down and in order to save myself I must look as cowardly, apologetic and powerless as possible" defence mechanism that is a dog like Leo's only chance of avoiding a megadose of whoop-arse.

While distracted from the candle, Kinta moved in to have a sniff.

But, harnessing her built-in superdoggy scanning device, Kinta quickly ascertained that candles weren't a viable food source and wandered off.

Ok Kinta, we get it.

You're a freakin' prodigy.

What more do you want from me?

Anyway, Paul estimates Leo was chowing down on the candle for about 5 minutes and ate half of it.

Pre-Leo, the candle was 10cm long.

Now it's 5cm long.

Exhibit One: the candle


















Exhibit Two: the dumbarse dog that ate it















Leo my friend, it's going to be a long night.