Me and my blogs - Introductions

Sunday March 18, 2007

Dogs are weird. Writing is hard.

As a professional marketing writer, I have spent years formulating and executing a myriad schmicko spiels for all sorts of clients on all sorts of topics.

However I have recently (and due to my increasing thirst for cash) decided to attempt a triumphant return to my creative writing origins.

These origins saw me storm to victory in numerous Goondiwindi annual agricultural show storywriting competitions. Guess who was a MAJOR prize winner during BookWeek 1989 for one of my original works of fiction? Yup, me. I even have the Robin Klein book with a certificate Clagged into the inside cover to prove it.

And - not being one to boast - guess who also had not one but two stories published in that well-known and respected national children's magazine of the 1980s "KidZone"? That was me again.

So, this blog is part of my attempt to hone my writing skills in a different genre - creative writing. Here I will forgo all notions of brevity, omit marketing-speak and just let it all hang out.

I have decided to devote this blog to the antics of my two dogs Kinta and Leo.

Those who know me won't be suprised. Those who don't know me will think I am pathetic. Either way, I'm good. I'll cope. I was an exchange student in a US highschool for 12 months. I am comfortable with social rejection.

Character Overview

Kinta

Kinta is a 6 year old female (desexed) chocolate Kelpie. She was born in Glenarbon (near Inglewood) to working dog parents in June 2000. Kinta is a frustratingly smart dog with a wide vocabulary and a fetish for toys. It's all about the toys. If Kinta was a human, she would be diagnosed with autism. She is scared of storms and fireworks. I didn't realise this, but the stack of crappy green outdoor chairs on our deck is actually an inpenetrable fortress of doggy safety and calm. Who would have thunk it? Kinta was Paul's dog before I met Paul. I am the evil bitch that diverted some of her daddy's attention from her. As such, I am never to be completely forgiven or totally trusted. Previously, her interest in me did not extend much beyond my provision of food, water and transport. I was nothing more than a ball throwing arm. Recently this relationship has changed. I don't know what I did ... I don't recall any poignant Dr Phil moments between us. Maybe she realised that I wasn't going anywhere. Or maybe she is poisoning my water and those smiles are actually the sick psychotic grins of a deranged and vengeful bitch. Or maybe Paul has told her he's taking me on a "drive down the back paddock" where I will "run away". Or, it could be the fact that I pulled her out of a mangrove about a month ago, where she was stuck up to her shoulders in estuary mud. Too late Kinta. The damage has been done. I don't forget.

Leo aka Reg

Leo is a five year old male (desexed) red Kelpie. We assume he was born in Bundaberg because this is where we busted him out of the RSPCA shelter. His mother could have been a crack addict for all we know. That would actually explain alot. We decided that December 25 would be Leo's birthday so we would always remember it. We always forget. Leo was an extremely bad puppy whose very existence was debated numerous times. However, during an 18 month stint at Paul Stewart's Academy for 100% Bad Arse Puppies, Leo changed his attitude and turned his life around. So successful was Leo's transformation that his story and image is used on all marketing material for Paul Stewart's Academy for 100% Bad Arse Puppies (www.thatdogisfucked.com.au)*. If Leo was human, he would be diagnosed with ADHD and dosed up to his furry forehead on Ritalin. Today, Leo is a reasonably well-adjusted dog who loves peeing on everything (including his mother), eating macadamia nuts straight from the tree, attempting to fornicate with Kinta at every given opportunity and cutting tight circles around the backyard. For all his outward stupidity and disappointment to the entire kelpie community, Leo is an extremely smart dog. His report card always says "lacks focus". He has even saved Kinta's life on one occasion (sort of). Leo is my first dog.

The Narrator

That's me. I am a thirty year old married female, born in Goondiwindi but currently living in Bundaberg. Note I say "currently" and not "permanently". I am a freelance writer and part-time office worker with an interest in all the usual stuff (travel, books, movies, food, exercise, beer, wine, good times). I am not ashamed to admit that Leo is my best friend. I have had dreams in which Leo is stabbed, poisoned, hit by cars, bitten by snakes and dognapped. I wake up from these dreams in tears. Such is the love I feel for this breathing, panting, penis licking, bum dragging ball of fur. Paul fears the day when Leo really does "leave the building". I may have to be put down as well. Leo has two characteristics that most people don't. He always agrees with me and he is always happy to see me. Sometimes, that's all I need.

I officially dub this blog "The Amazing Adventures of Kinta and Leo" or "This is why I have a dog".

Enjoy!

* The Paul Stewart Academy for 100% Bad Arse Puppies is a work of fiction and bares no resemblance to any institution either solvent or insolvent. The domain www.thatdogisfucked.com.au is currently unhosted. Kids, Aunty Kris says: "swearing is not cool".